The Cat-Sitter checked the address on his clipboard staring up at the house in front of her, and then used The Key to go inside. He is wearing a dark blue v-neck sweater and dark green sweatpants. His clothing is covered in hair as well as some pretzel crumbs. He is about 6 feet tall and has a large round stomach.
This mother fucker has got to be kidding me. He thinks he can walk up in my shit and do whatever he wants? Fuck that noise. I’m the head honcho here and I do my thing. He better not touch me, I swear I will poop on the counter.
Don’t you fucking come near me fat man.
“Spss Sspsss Spsssss, tcktck tck…kitty cat! Where are youuuuu? I’m your new friend! We’re going to spend the night together!”
Get the fuck out of my house. God dam it I don’t need a baby sitter and a grown ass cat.
“How am I supposed to feed you if I don’t meet you?”
Like that makes any sense…leave the god damn food out in my bowl and I will eat it and go to sleep and pretend I never saw you.
“Alrighty then! Let me know when you want to eat!!! I’ll be ordering pay-per-view and eating all your food!”
What a prick.
“So what have you got here…mmmm oreos….DOUBLE STUFFED oreos! I will take these…you guys got 2%? …I guess skim milk will do…alright alright…pizza bagels for later. Oreos milk….uhhh yes cheezits….oreos milk cheezits…”
Why is he pausing like he is still looking for shit…
“Oreos milk cheezits and….yes! Pizza stack Pringles…and what’s this! Original recipe glass bottle Coca-Cola! Well I’ll be darned! We’re gonna have a party tonight kitty cat.”
This dude is gonna take the grossest crap later.
