monday, november 23rd i woke up to my alarm at 9:30. I had calculus lecture at 10 and an intro to psych test at 11. I decided since i had been up late studying that I should return to sleep and miss my calculus class. I got back in bed thinking I had set a new alarm for 10:30. I had done such, except at 10:30 p.m.
During my sleep I had a dream. I was walking with my friend jamie to his house, except his house was a farm, with horses and horse shit everywhere and shit. So we are walking along this path to his house when jamie becomes my from scott aka dick boy.
Me and scott begin walking up the path to his house, which is for some reason a barn. The path to the main door is blocked by two long horn bulls fighting, or something like that. Scott casually walks around this altercation and I attempt to follow. I was attempting to not distract the bulls while walking, but ended up bumping into a cage of monkeys. The monkeys awoke screaming, which woke up the snakes. The snakes were attempting to bite me, however they were stuck in their cages. All but one.
A huge green and white serpent coiled out of a burlap sack with fangs exposed. It wasn't in a cage because it wasn't poisonous, which I knew for some reason, because it was a dream. So this mother fucker of a snack lunges for my chest, but I dodge my torso back and it missed my sternum just barely. BUT because of gravity and its momentum the snakes attempt of a bite lands lower.
Directly into my right testicle.
so it was like the picture, except not that guy's face, but my right nut
Now this hurt more than anything in my entire life. It had landed both fangs directly into my ball, through my pants and sack. I couldn't see the blood but I knew it was flowing freely.
At this point I am yelling to scott that this "fucking snake bit my fucking ball, dude!" Scott provides me no assistance, and the snake lets go of my ball...only to sink its teeth once again into my testie.
This shit hurt so bad that I had to wake up. After snapping back from my bloody sack dream world I noticed it was 10:51, nine minutes before my psych test was going to begin. I threw on some jeans, no undies, and an (evidently) inside out polo. It was cold and raining but I did not wear a jacket, but I did wear boat shoes without socks.
Fucking shoes made to be worn on a boat, i.e. boat shoes, should be fucking water proof.
So I arrived at the test just as they were handing out and explained to my peers that I was late because a snake ripped my jawn up all crazy. I then proceeded to tell everyone I knew about the dream just so I could make sure that it really was a dream and come to grips with the reality that my scrote was undamaged. I remained uncomfortable with my boys (nuts) the rest of the day, constantly re-adjusting and checking their status, but they remained un-bitten.
My friends explained to me that this dream obviously meant I was a butty-boy or an aspiring eunuch (priest like dudes who get their balls removed). But I believe it was simply myself punching myself in the dick to wake me up.
You be the judge.
;-)
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