new years resolutions

i feel like if i write these out in a public forum there will be more pressure on me to actually stick to them, so here we go

-i will lift at least 3 times a week and play basketball at least 3 times a week to assure my physical fitness, health, and happiness. 3 things that are important

-i will continue to not drink soda...i have had 4 sodas in 6 months...3 ginger ales and a dr. pepper

-i will continue to make songs, rap or whatever, because i enjoy them and other people at least say they enjoy them ;)

-i will begin refining my skills as a writing, both with the songs i write both also with poetry and ficition

-i will dedicate myself to attempting to be famous, you know, i might as well

-meaning...more songs, more youtube videos, and shamelessly plugging my own projects, as well as going to any auditions i can, and spreading my seed as a talented young black woman

-i will eat at least a salad a day, because they are tasty and they really help with my poop

-i will eat an apple and/or a banana in the morning, because they are delicious AND healthy

-i will do more things i enjoy and less things i don't enjoy

-i.e. my selection of classes..etc.

-i will listen to more lil jon, because he is Wise

-i will try to get off of the facebook and i will try to play less video games...because doing those don't help me with my life in anyway

-i won't always take 2 showers a day..it dries my skin out and shit

-i'll get mo' sleep

thats all i got now..let me know if you think i need some new shit

Gayowoulf

what is this shit right here

winter break is horseshit!

i haven't done a single thing besides nothing

yeah and people say "sometimes its nice to just sit and have nothing to do"

yea its fucking awesome like 1 time

not like 1 time all the time

at least i only have 12 days of break left, fucking horseshit!

another jam

assuming AGAIN that you dick wads out there read this
i will provide another jam i enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqy0eH1lIZ4
click on that shit right there

jam of the week

assuming any of you assholes read this bullshit...
here is a song i have been enjoying recently

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5bq9v_oOyc

eminem-elevator

check it out, you should enjoy it

a blog with lists of feelings!!

shit i like right neow
peach snapple iced tea
pringles
sleeping
not sleeping through classes
basketball
ice cream
pizza
writing that doesn't suck
shit i don't like right neow
where i am
my left calf
those girls who played basketball with us and made everything awkward
writing this essay
the cold
the lack of pizza in my hands and mouth
my sleepiness

yes please

an odd occurence

so...
monday, november 23rd i woke up to my alarm at 9:30. I had calculus lecture at 10 and an intro to psych test at 11. I decided since i had been up late studying that I should return to sleep and miss my calculus class. I got back in bed thinking I had set a new alarm for 10:30. I had done such, except at 10:30 p.m.

During my sleep I had a dream. I was walking with my friend jamie to his house, except his house was a farm, with horses and horse shit everywhere and shit. So we are walking along this path to his house when jamie becomes my from scott aka dick boy.

Me and scott begin walking up the path to his house, which is for some reason a barn. The path to the main door is blocked by two long horn bulls fighting, or something like that. Scott casually walks around this altercation and I attempt to follow. I was attempting to not distract the bulls while walking, but ended up bumping into a cage of monkeys. The monkeys awoke screaming, which woke up the snakes. The snakes were attempting to bite me, however they were stuck in their cages. All but one.

A huge green and white serpent coiled out of a burlap sack with fangs exposed. It wasn't in a cage because it wasn't poisonous, which I knew for some reason, because it was a dream. So this mother fucker of a snack lunges for my chest, but I dodge my torso back and it missed my sternum just barely. BUT because of gravity and its momentum the snakes attempt of a bite lands lower.

Directly into my right testicle.



so it was like the picture, except not that guy's face, but my right nut

Now this hurt more than anything in my entire life. It had landed both fangs directly into my ball, through my pants and sack. I couldn't see the blood but I knew it was flowing freely.

At this point I am yelling to scott that this "fucking snake bit my fucking ball, dude!" Scott provides me no assistance, and the snake lets go of my ball...only to sink its teeth once again into my testie.

This shit hurt so bad that I had to wake up. After snapping back from my bloody sack dream world I noticed it was 10:51, nine minutes before my psych test was going to begin. I threw on some jeans, no undies, and an (evidently) inside out polo. It was cold and raining but I did not wear a jacket, but I did wear boat shoes without socks.

Fucking shoes made to be worn on a boat, i.e. boat shoes, should be fucking water proof.

So I arrived at the test just as they were handing out and explained to my peers that I was late because a snake ripped my jawn up all crazy. I then proceeded to tell everyone I knew about the dream just so I could make sure that it really was a dream and come to grips with the reality that my scrote was undamaged. I remained uncomfortable with my boys (nuts) the rest of the day, constantly re-adjusting and checking their status, but they remained un-bitten.

My friends explained to me that this dream obviously meant I was a butty-boy or an aspiring eunuch (priest like dudes who get their balls removed). But I believe it was simply myself punching myself in the dick to wake me up.

You be the judge.
;-)

The Library

> I give the guard my ID and he swipes it through his computer to
Gain me access to this place of knowledge.
Shelves of tombs and textbooks unread and collecting dust.
I come here for silence and a place to sit,
Ignoring the histories and studies of things I don’t understand,
Listening to Three 6 Mafia and copying my friend’s calculus answers.
The books could be empty and hollow for all I know or care.

Little vents in the ceiling blast static white noise.
I listen to white noise when I sleep to drown out
Air conditioners, fans and machines that simulate
The sound of a waterfall

I wonder if the white noise system here could be high jacked
And it could be used to play a constant minor chord
And it would make everyone heartbroken
And instead of calculus homework or writing psychology papers
All of the students would write home to their mothers and
Daydream about the one that got away and the one they haven’t found yet

new jam of the weak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK22WdZlDq8&feature=related

drake ft. lykke li-lil bit

I'M ON A BOAT

A Poem

Love Is

Defined By Immature College Students

Love is like a bird

Feathers are like your girlfriend

Because you need them to fly

And birds fly so they can go somewhere

And you want to go somewhere with your girlfriend

Love is like a donut

It’s a long journey that never ends

Because it’s a circle

And it’s delicious

Love is like a castle

You surround it with a moat

And put archers on top

Because you don’t want goblins to invade

You must defend love with cannons

Love is like ONDEMAND movies

It’s there whenever you want it

You can pay for it

And it’s more enjoyable when you’re with someone else

Love is like electricity

You can’t quite see it

And it gets discovered accidently

Because Ben Franklin

Love is like a bacon cheeseburger

Because it is hearty, heavy, and satisfying

But heartburn

Love is like Pokémon

The more you add to your Pokédex

The more you realize that first Pikachu is the one

Love is like a good set of headphones

If it fits right

You can’t hear anything else

haiku

i am a great man
i have sex with many girls
you can suck my dick

Pick of my Dick

The Elusive and Notorious 'El Bino'

I was lucky enough to catch this shot of El Bino, AKA Blanca Coyote (or White Coyote) crossing the US-Mexican Border last Tuesday. El Bino's fair complection, and ruthless aggression, make her the most successful Mexican smuggler that side of the Mississippi, which is the side that all the Mexican drug smugglers are on, except for Panco Taquito, best known for smuggling 54 Mexicans from Memphis to Montreal in a single Low Rider.
She was leading a group of 194 Mexicans who allegedly each paid her 1,000 Pesos, roughly equivalent to a Number 9 meal with a large Mountain Dew from Toco Bell, or a days work out side Home Depot. Which is exactly where El Bino took the 194 Mexicans. They were all immediately hired by Terrell Owens to construct a state of the art dog fighting arena. When finished Mr. Owens had them fight each other to the death so he could have the 194 Number 9 meals all for himself.
The champion, and sole survivor, was rewarded with a one way ticket back to Mexico and an 'I <3 NY' t-shirt, which he used to wipe the blood of his friends and family off his dirty dirty skin.

jam of the weekle

http://www10.zippyshare.com/v/38189163/file.html

ryan lesle's to the top

very good very nice, do enjoy

new jam of the week

i'm good by the clipse ft. pharrell

the song is bangin, and its the best i've ever heard pharrell sing

peep the heat

men buy cologne that comes in these bottles

i do not support wearing cologne, or "fragrance"...but if a man must wear it he sould use this here

old spice was advertised inadvertently to me during my marketing principles when this lady from proctol and gamble or however you spell that shit spat some knowledge.
she talked about how they decided to package the fragrance and how they named it, pretty interesting shit.

she also had a weird twitch in her eye like she was winking at kids but was really bad at it
also
she had a pretty bad lisp on her sh's but besides that she did a great job.

p.s. i got an A+++++ (5+'s) on that homeless man pizza story

so suck it

yam of the week

yahh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wyOhyYVDQ0

story

aveIfXMLInvalid> false false

Pizza>Home

I peered around the corner and in through the pizza parlor window, waiting for the proper time to strike. They had so many varieties, so many flavors. I find it incredible how a simple change of what you pile on top can transform a pizza. Or how it can transform anything…if I was wearing a suit and I had a nice haircut I might…taste different? It’s hard to compare a person and pizza. But you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But I certainly look homeless.

Mario, the owner of the pizza place, had told me to not come around his place anymore, but I knew his name wasn’t really Mario even though his nametag said it. That fact made his authority void in my eyes. Every night I could wait until 10:00 p.m. when the pizzeria closed and I could scoop they’re extra pizza out of the trashcan and eat it then, but it would be cold and covered in bugs. I might be homeless but I’m not a possum. I have faked being dead once…a policeman had accosted me and hit me over the head with his baton. I just laid there as still as I could and held my breath until he left. I bet he has terrible nightmares about that. I shouldn’t need to use that skill tonight if my mission goes accordingly to plan.

Now I’m a secret agent, a spy, a trickster. I have spent the morning planning my plan sitting on a bench in the park across the street. I will enter the parlor as if I have the proper funds to purchase a slice with feta cheese and spinach. My mom used to like that. I already know they will not have this flavor because they do not make that flavor on Wednesdays. Even though they do not make it on Wednesdays, they leave the flavor on the menu. When they inform me of their inability to serve me feta and spinach pizza I will begin to scream. Once they have calmed me down, which I hope they do, I will demand a slice of plain pizza free of charge because they were unable to serve me properly.

I was ready to put the plan in motion, to take it to the next level, and get some of that legendary Italian cuisine in my mouth. I turned the corner and pushed through the door. The front door pushed inward, which is a fire code violation because if the building were on fire someone inside would have to grab a burning hot metal handle and pull it towards them to exit. This place had great pizza though. I got in line and I could tell that the other customers were displaced by my stench. Sorry…I just want to enjoy the same pizza as you do so, don’t give me that look.

While I wait to reach the front of the line I survey the happy people eating the delicious zaz. People call pizza zaz some time because of the z’s in it I guess, I like the way it sounds. My gaze falls upon to young men eating a slice, respectively. They both have spiked up, gel-covered hair, and are both eating their pizza with a fork and knife. A fork and knife? Are you kidding me? That is a preposterous way to enjoy pizza. Unacceptable, not okay. The one with the bleached blonde hair had already desecrated his pizza with utensils but I could save the other slice from the one with the Mohawk. I needed ammunition. At the table next to me a father was tickling his baby daughter in the chair and the child’s legs were wiggling in delight. I grabbed the baby shoe off of the baby foot and pegged the Mohawked one in the face. I took two large strides to reach his table, and snapped his utensils over my knee. I then grabbed him by his shirt with one hand, took his pizza with the other and took a large bite out of it, explaining to him that THIS is how you eat pizza. I took another bite gesturing to his companion, making sure he understood the proper etiquette. I told them both to show me they understood, and they followed in suit, biting their pizzas like Americans. I then told them to give me their slices so I could make sure they understood. The one with the bleached head had ordered Sicilian style with pepperoni and the other one had feta and spinach. Feta? FETA!? SINCE WHEN DO YOU SERVE FETA ON WEDNESDAY!? MARIO!? SINCE WHEN DO YOU SERVE FETA ON WEDNESDAY!? Presumably the police had been on their way for a while, and I felt the baton hit my head before I saw them. I activated my possum abilities, hoping they would run away again.

jam of the week #3

this shit is so good

that is benny lava rocking it how it is meant to be rocked

not only is the track hot, but the dude can dance like a mother fucker

the choreography is ballin as shit, and it tells a story

i love it

in case you didn't get that the text in the different color was a link

here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMiTJhiWx-k

Pic of the Wik

This squirrel is the SHIT!

Just like my poo

The 76ers

Do you remember going to 76ers games as a child? It would be an experience. For years, we were an above average team that was guaranteed to be in the playoffs. No matter who they were playing, the games were exciting and fun. Why? Because we had a star player. We had Allen Iverson! Iverson was the single most entertain athlete Philadelphia has had since the 1980's. However, now we are fucking terrible. We have another A.I. Andre "I suck dick and I suck at basketball" Igoudala. In the words of Charles Barkley.... "He's Terrible." HE STINKS. He's the worst best player in the league. Also, Sweet Dick Lou sucks. He cant do anything. I'd rather have Owen "chinky draino" Smith running the point. Bottom line. The Sixers are terrible. Now, people only go to the games to watch the other team. And to eat those really good ice creams that are dipped into chocolate and are sold by the really fat irish looking women. The Sixers need to do something crazy like bring in a fattyboomba or a gizmo (John Amaechi)!

jam of the week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmjO4SLVb9s

listen to it, love it

iyaz-replay

bagel chips

i just threw the bag of bagel chips to shayan
and bagel chips shot out mid air
and he caught it with the opening down
so some poured on the floor

dismal

1st jam of the week

yeah, duh its gonna be regina spektor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTDRztaCCw

bump that

Pic of the Week

I really like this photo I took of my family today in New Hope, PA. I take them for granted sometime, but they really are what's most important. That's my brother on my grandfather's 1960 BMW, and my mom and my niece in the grass.

55 word story

“I’m so happy the house is fixed.”

“Weird how it was fixed so quickly.”

“They were cutting down that tree to prevent it from falling on our house. Not to help it fall.”

“People make mistakes. What’s even weirder is how we are completely fine.”

“We both went unconscious, we weren’t fine.”

“Honey, we’re dead.”

Pic of the Weak!

This picture is titled "Trippin' Ballz"
This is to remind people to stay off meth

check out the tits

gentleman
get a good long hard look at all the tits and asses these women show
cause before you know it they will be hidden and concealed behind down jackets and fleeces.

so if you see me staring at your breasts, ladies
don't be offended
i'm just savoring the time we can spend together
when you have your boobs showing

wise words spoken by sages

short story of a unreliable narrator

It wasn’t my fault Billy started it. He always freaks out when someone does anything to him. He can’t even have fun. Seriously, he is always like drawing in the sand. We have art class for drawing, recess is for running and kickball, but he doesn’t do any of that. He is always looking at stuff too, like just looking at people, just staring. It’s really weird. And he doesn’t even draw anything cool in the sand, its always like weird birds with no face.

“Well Tim? What happened?”

I wasn’t even looking at her; she doesn’t even know me yet. Mrs. Shefield had left last week because she was having a baby. She had swollen up like she had a pumpkin under her shirt, but she said it was a little person in there. I liked to pretend it was just a pumpkin. But Mrs. Shefield had to leave and now I was in trouble with this new lady.

“Why would you push Billy?”

“I didn’t even do it.” I was looking at the floor next to me. I always said I didn’t do it, it never really works I guess. I wish it did though, and then I could do whatever I wanted. “I didn’t even push him.”

“I saw you push Billy in the back of his head, and push his face into the sand. What makes you think that behavior like that is okay?”

I didn’t even know her name so I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to talk to her. My dad calls my mom “lady” sometimes so I did that.

“Lady, I didn’t do any of that.”

“Tim! I saw you do it!”

She didn’t ask me a question so I didn’t say anything. I just kept staring at the tennis balls that they put on the bottom of our chairs so that they don’t scratch the floor. We could use those balls for fun but they were stuck to our chairs.

“Tim!?”

“What??”

“What do you think we should do about this?”

She asked me a question, so I figured I should answer it honestly and tell her what I thought we should do.

“You should let me go back and play, Lady.” I thought it was funny. It also would’ve been awesome if I could use like, a Jedi mind trick, and make her think that my idea was a good one, and I could go back out into the sun.

“Why would I let you go back out and play!?” She got upset just thinking about really letting me do that. “You tackled a Billy when he was just playing by himself! That is completely unacceptable behavior! Tell me what you did. Exactly what you did.” She was really serious, and I was kind of scared. Not of her, but of what she could do to me.

“Well I was playing with Sam. We were playing Super Powers. Sam had freeze powers and I could fly and throw stuff really far. And we pretended that Billy was the bad guy, because he is like always looking at us like he is mad at us.” He kind of looks like when my dad finds out I break something. “And then he called us butt heads and threw sand at us.”

“I’m done with this, go sit on the Black Bench until Math. But first go get Sam and tell him to come talk to me.” My mom was going to kill me. I ran back out to recess, and went down the slide. This new lady would have to come get me

Peek of the Week

LUKE ON A FULL MOON

jay-z is wack

he is trash, he should've stayed retired and maybe people wouldn't have found out he is trashola.
just because you don't write it doesn't mean it is good
in his new songs, "death of autotone," "off that," and "run this town" the people featured out perform jay-z. it seems like drake, kanye, and timbaland put all this work into songs to send to jay-z and he put the shit into garage band and freestyled once, and was done.
but before he released he strategically picked spots to make retard noises
"ahhww"
or however you would spell it

i would say its like when michael jordan came out of retirement and was trash, but jay-z isn't that good. its more like when MJ tried to play major league baseball.

jay z, go fuck your hot wife and stare at your huge head in the mirror



"all black everything. black card, black cars. all black everything."
wow

qtjhaejartjerBQRGAEHATHNHNSTHWRSTBHWRTHBWTHWBRTHBWRTHBWBH

fucking jim jones

ICE CREAM PAINT JOB REMIX

do you think jim jones is a good rapper?
click that, listen to dorrough spit a good verse, nipsey hustle rap well, souljaboy do OK

and jim jones rap like a fucking idiot retard
he is terrible
so bad

CHICKENS
rotisserie

BBQ FROM HELL

The Barbeque From Hell
My skin was slowly burning as I flipped the sizzling circles of meat on my Foreman Grill. I didn’t like to use coal because of all the smoke, and gas was too expensive, so this little electric grill was my solution. It also supposedly drained some of the liquid fat, but the orange extension chord running through the doggy door from the kitchen running across the lawn ruined the authenticity of a barbeque. The sun was out, my wife was enjoying playing host for our neighbors, and our children were enjoying the new kiddy pool from Toys R’ Us. There weren’t many bugs out and I was enjoying being surrounding by people having a good time. A good time that I was supplying them with.
“Hey Bill!”
My name is William. And he knows I hate being called “Bill.”
“Billy boy! Hell of a barbeque ya got here, huh? Besides the fact that your dinky little grill can only spit out a burger an hour.” He slapped me on the back of the neck as he said hour. Normally this would hurt about a 3 on the scale of 1 to 10. But with the severe sunburn on the back of my neck, I would have to rank it at a 6 out of 10.
“This grill is friendly to the environment and drains fat from the burgers.” I said in defense of my “dinky” electric grill. Its not like I had invented the damn thing, the guy just gets on my nerves.
“C’mon Bill! The fat is the best part. Your doing it all wrong anyway, you gotta flip these things the right way or they end up tasting like dog food. Mine sure did.” He proceeded to snatch the spatula from my hands. He had disrespected my name, my grill, and my grilling abilities. The redness that should have been shown in my face was hidden by the terrible sunburn I had received making those “dog food” burgers for that jackass.
The last barbeque I was at with this guy did not end well. He said something sexually inappropriate about my wife, and the conflict ended up with the police being called, and myself being tazered and urinating in pants. Since then I had taken several anger management classes and gone to several therapists. There had been no conflicts for about a year.
“I’m gonna level with you here, Bill. The only good thing about this party is the fact that I get to stare at the two hams your wife calls an ass.”
That was it.
The plate that had been collecting the liquid fat from my Foreman Grill seemed to fly to my hand and immediately be splashed into his face.
“Yeah, your right. The fat is the best part.”
He began to flail the spatula like bees were attacking him. He may have been attempting to defend himself but it seemed like another attack. I followed the liquid fat with the whole electric grill itself. I picked it up with both hands and throw it into his face like an inbounds throw from a soccer game.
While he was dazed I was analyzing which sauce would sting more in the wounds forming on his face. I had to decide between the A1 steak sauce and the Texas Pete hot sauce. The cayenne peppers from the sauce would be effective. As soon as the hot sauce connected with his head, one of my feet was being driven into his sternum. He splashed into the kiddy pool, and my youngest son began driving his baby fist into his eye. A smirk flashed across my face as I joined my son. Before I could land another punch I felt a sharp pain in my side as I went limp and urinated in my children’s new kiddy pool from Toys R’ Us.

CUISINART GRIDDLER

how fucking awesome is that
i know the text is backwards so i will write about its awesomeness
Premium Construction
Streamlined, elegant brushed stainless steel houses superior Cuisinart Engineering. AKA this thing isn't a plastic piece of shit like the George Foreman Grill.
Special Handling
The sturdy handle supports a second grill or griddle plate, doubling the size of the cooking surface. AKA this mother fucker is a transformer.

Simple Operation
Easy-to read dial controls let you select function and temperature settings. AKA a retard could use this.
HERE IS THE BEST PART
Ultimate Versatility
The 4-in-1 Griddler is a contact grill, a panini press, an open grill and a griddle. Nonstick grill and griddle plates drain away grease as food cooks, and pop out of the unit for easy dishwasher cleanup.
AKA ULTIMATE Versatility.

George Foreman just got knocked the fuck out.

Peek of the Week

The world through my eyes/goggles

For the first ever photo of the week I chose this picture of myself. Thought about using a pic of my dick but I thought this one would be less appropriate. I took this photo on a ski trip to Mt. Tremblant Canada. After a full day of pretending to snow board I retreated to base camp. I was trying to take a picture of this ski village from atop a gondola but being an idiot and all I had the camera backwards. Luckily for me, my goggles were quite reflective so I got the shot anyway. The hairs peeking out over the lens are not my own doo but rather a rabbit I killed and skinned for warmth.

Check in next week for the next photo in a soon to be awesome series.

BREAKING NEWS

JAMES RUSSEL GARN REDENBAUGH IS JOING THE BLOG

since his expertise is art and photos and shit he will be posting a photo of the week and either sweet ass shit like that

i will continue spitting knowledge at you hoes, and he will provide visual boners


DABOFFOFUS

YO RAPS!

so yesterday me and some friends made a song
about ejaculating inside girls.
its called Plan B
it will not be released
so i have done several things in preparation of returning to school
-went and got some new clothes so i stay fresh
-some puma shorts, adidas hoodie, 2 button up shirts, new levi jeans, etc...
-went to cvs and got some stuff
-listerine, herbal essence shampoo, old spice body wash, old spice deodorant
-also a dinnerware set oddly enough, 4 bowls 4 plates 4 cups. CLUTCH PURCHASE

-i gotta get a little hair trim, so says my mom, and my mom will be providing the hair cut
-i don't nobody else come at my hair with something sharp
-i let a fly honey braid my shit though

i can't figure who is worse
jim jones
or
gucci mane

cause they both fucking suck. who was the first person to hear gucci and was like
"fuck yeah, people are gonna love this shit"
it must have been a retarded inbred eskimo. gucci mane eats crayons
jim jones is dumber than shit and i hate everything about him, and he fucking sucks.

also, fuck kid cudi. i get your "real" cause you don't pretend you sell drugs and shit. but singing about how "real" you are doesn't make you realer. or some shit like that.
i saw this fuck in concert, all he did was yell over his own tracks. AND he played day and night
AND THEN RIGHT AFTER THAT PLAYED DAY AND NIGHT REMIX
what the fuck?
also, everytime i see the "i love college" music video i like asher roth half as much.
and i've seen that shit like 3 times in the past 2 days. so, fuck him
at the roots concert asher tried to climb on ?uest love's drum set during the roots finale, and ?uesto pushed him off.
i seent that shit


aight, thats that

ahaaa yeayuh

tomorrow will be officially one week away from me going back to johns hopkins

shits fucked up!
you know everyone is going back to school
fucking learning shit and what not.

i'm nervous about returning i guess, i'm having dreams about being naked and lost on campus, but i think thats just because i'm a little bitch.

since tomorrow will be officially one week from my return, i need to start preparing.

shit i need to do:
-unpack the bags i didn't unpack since i've been home from college
-clean the clothes in the bags i didn't unpack
-make sure i have enough acceptable underpants for school
-make sure i have enough acceptable pairs of socks
-buy some binders and pencils and shit
-get some new clothes so i don't look like a retard rocking the same shit as last year
(i need a new jacket, i can't be wearing that nike air one all the time like i used to)
-get my head in the fucking zone
-fuck shit up

i heard that shitty nikki menaj song on the radio...
she says she is "flier than a frisbee"
i frisbee isn't fly you dumb fuck, you can throw it, and then it flies, but it should not be described as something that is fly
you cunt

OOOH SNAP

YO
I'M SELLIN' MY BEST OF CD! $5 PER! I SELL IT IN PERSON.

here is the lineup

1. Black Coffee Remix - Luke Sand and JBerg
2. Dick Boy - Luke Sand, Dick Boy, and Shy Guy
3. Drive Slower - KyBabe, DJ Worm, and Luke Sand
4. Down Remix - DSL (David Earl, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand)
5. DSL - DSL (David Earl, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand)
6. Snoopy's B-Day - Luke sand
7. I'm Worm - DJ Worm and Luke Sand
8. Let's Chill - DSL (David Earl, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand)
9. Prestige and Pussy - LiaCef, Shy Guy, and Luke SAnd
10. Stack It Up - Luke Sand
11. Notoriously Jewsee - DJ Worm, KyBabe, Shy Guy, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand
12. Hands Up - Luke Sand and JZ
13. Still Fat - DSL (David Earl, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand) and DJSamLo
14. Young Bull Dick in C Minor - Luke Sand and Shy Guy
15. A Millionaire - Luke Sand
16. Guns & Drugs - Luke Sand
17. Fun Guys!! - DSL (David Earl, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand) and Noey
18. Clean - Luke Sand
19. Octopussy - Luke Sand


WOWWY WOW WOW

crotch party

"That's funny because I can sing too.
If you want to suck up on these hairy balls, why don't you jump right in. It's a crotch party all up in here. Why don't you lick on this hairy john."

-Step Brothers



If you don't like that movie, I fucking hate your guts.

things some times are just meant to be

CHECK THESE BAD BOYS OUT

so me and mi brosef went shopping today at the chemical road shopping center.

which is fucktarded.

you can't walk from store to store, you have to get back into your car to go to the next one. the fucking target there is called Target Greatland. fucking epic proportions in that shopping orgy. the roads in there are like a down syndrome kid took a crayon and drew on a map and thats where they put the maps for this place.

we went to office depot, got back in the car, went to target. parked. i threw my door open and smashed into the car next to us because i have mad retard strength. we then bailed and went to best buy to escape the hulk like destruction i caused. drove back to target, parked far away from the car i destroyed, and entered the Greatland. shit was NOT great.
but there was this kid yelling and what seemed like his siblings.
everytime his brother would look at a toy the crazy kid would run up and yell
I WAS GONNA GET THAT.
verge of tears and shit. that was wild as fuck.
then we went to
DICKS
sportings goods, where i lucked out and got a pair of Nike Hyperdunks for $70 bucks in my exact size. which was awesome. these things have to have some jets in the bottom cause they look so futuristic. shout out to elroy jetson.

well thats that.
AND
i had breakfast for dinner.
and if thats wrong i don't want to be right.

bad dreams

so i set my alarm for 10:30 each morning. and each morning i snooze until about 11:30.
in between each snooze i hit i have these crazy dreams, and i had some pretty good ones this morning.

the first one was that i went to the dentist and had too many teeth, like a shark or some shit.
that was fucked up.

the next when i had was i was moving into my new place at Johns Hopkins and my parents had taken all my bags to my room while i went to work out. so i worked out and changed out of my sweaty clothes, but i didn't have anything to change into.
so i was running around campus covering my cock and balls with my hands, and i finally made it to my apartment building.

it was like super nice and fancy, and i got in this elevator with all these old people with fur coats.
and one guy looks at me and goes
"pike sure is crazy"

i finally make it out of the fur coat elevator and to my apartment, and i see all my friends and rejoice that i am finally there.
none of them are excited to see me, except someone in the other room (not sure who it was) who was playing with legos. we were mutually excited about the legos in the room.

my final dream was that i was a squirrel, but i was totally still a person, and i kept getting electrocuted by shit cause i didn't know how to be a proper squirrel.

YIPPY YAHOO

NEW MUSIC VIDEO FROM MYSELF AND THE EARL AND DICK BOY! ANOTHER DSL HIT


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPpFisZB0Hk

click that, or the words up there

it would be super fucked if we got in trouble for using other people's work to entertain ourselves and our friends. i hope that doesn't happen.

thats the first movie i've ever made, let alone music video, and i'm pretty happy with how it turned out. we got 10 days to crank out a still fat music video so hopefully we will be able to do that.

i gotta go rid my body of the chipotle i ate earlier.

LOL :-)

malk

I may be lactose tolerant, but I ain't no bitch.

so i ate the fuck out of that swirled waffle cone

slob on my blog

like corn on the cob.

so i'm checking out what a blog is supposed to be..and i guess it should be like

me talking and then me talking like i'm upset.

THEN I CENTER THE TEXT. AND SAY SOME SHIT
gawd.
(STRATEGIC USE OF PERIOD)

then i come back to this, and return to the regular text and get back to telling you about something in list form like
balls.
1) i have them
2) i have two of them
3) girls should have none
4) it ruins my day when i sit on them

then i flip it and wrap it up saying...
something sucks but at least my name isn't blanket

what it don't

so i haven't updated since my birthday
i was just trying to make such a momentous occasion more memorable by creating a drought of my wisdom

now i'm finna make it rain

sooooooooooo....who do you like?

1) i been on the grind making tracks and you can check 10 of them out at my space, www.myspace.com/lukesandraps

2) i've watched the last 2 episodes of entourage...what the fuck is this show about? 4 guys that like to suck dick behind closed doors who live. this shit is like The Hills for closeted men except about nothing. i watched an episode and i tried to figure out what happened. and i summed it up with, um...he is gonna kiss his girlfriend next week? or some shit. its not funny so i don't get what kind of show it is

3) i heard the true blood couple got married. are they gonna both sleep in a coffin or some shit? i watched the 1st season but me and my posse made a blood vow to watch it all together back at school (yes homo)

4) i went to marshalls and that place is my spot

5) cock meat sandwich, gobble it like a beast.

6) 3 of my buddies should return from home tomorrow, dick boy, noey, and david earl. that will be nice, except they return from vacations they took without me.

7) big dance party friday night, i guess that will be fun. i will be in attendence and in a full sweat.
bitches be rubbin on my dick and what not

8) now my font is all fucked up. check out eminem serving mariah carey's silicon titties on a platter.
GOT HERRRRR

i'll be updating errynow and then, and i'm gonna put this short story i wrote in some installments. so keep your eyes open and your panties off.

http://www.yousendit.com/download/cmcxSmJ3NDRIcWQzZUE9PQ

click that in the next couple of days to download Still Fat by Dr. Dick Boy, DJ Sam Lo, and David Earl


more and more to come
and i'm 19 hooty hoo

i have begun to do some cool shit

good

i am not doing things i want to do because i am afraid that the product of these endeavors will not be "good."

and what the fuck is "good" anyway.

check me out

so my teacher was all like, yeah some people write stories is just 55 words. they have competitions and shit. then she told us to write a paragraph story. i told her to suck my cock and i wrote a story in 55 words exactly. so get your dicks


“I’m so happy the house is fixed.”
“Weird how it was fixed so quickly.”
“They were cutting down that tree to prevent it from falling on our house. Not to help it fall.”
“People make mistakes. What’s even weirder is how we are completely fine.”
“We both went unconscious, we weren’t fine.”
“Honey, we’re dead.”

words of a wise man

"These are the things that everyman wants: a sofa with an ass groove, a big screen television, a cool car with air conditioning, and pussy."

"For every recipe you use for your life, some asshole is going to add a tablespoon of shit."

-Uncle Dick

it is too bad i love things that suck

i wish i could fuck every girl in the world

that song is my fucking shit, and i will rock it until i have to shave my pubes again

which should be like
2 munfs
months

all i do is watch deadliest catch and wish i had them in a proper order so i could create some type of narrative structure for this poor, adventurous and mostly stupid white men.
they make like 40g a season, and the seasons are usually 50 days about, so thats good money

i'm home chilling with my pops, he twisted his anke in a groundhog hole or some shit, so we just hangin out.
i made a nice ass beat today, and i'm going to start making some more tracks soon.

heads up

$

keep that lunch money handy, nerds

dirty shower

i like words. one of the reasons i curse so often is because curse words happen to be effective at grabbing attention, making people laugh, or letting them know they are a cunt

while i was showering yesterday
NAKED
i was thinking about the semi-oxymoron, (not completely moronic, kind of smart(i hate myself)) of a dirty shower. you go to a shower to clean yourself, but what if the shower is dirty, or the water from the shower is muddy or something like that.
or your drop your bar of soap in the dirt, idont know the circumstance necessary for something like that to happen but
do you use another bar of soap, to clean that soap?
or give your shower a shower?

obviously you say, "use scrubbing bubbles or some cleaning shit like that, Luke! it is simple."

and that is why your a fucking dick

summer

so, summer starts in may for me this year, shits weird
i'm bored as hell, and daytime TV is lame.
right now i'm watching saving silverman, quality stuff


so check this shit out

A blind man in a ball pit.

I was sitting in a McDonalds playground
Eating a Happy Meal. I guess I was happy.
The kids around me certainly were,
Running around through a plastic castle of slides
And secret windows.
At the end of the last slide was a ball pit.
A particularly energetic boy shot
Down the final slide into the ball pit,
Submerging himself in the plastic rainbow pool.
I wasn’t sure if he had to hold his breath before splashing into the
Man made lake of color.
He must’ve because he was down there for a while.
“Jared!? Jared??” His name was apparently Jared.
The guardian tapped his way to the pit, and stepped precariously
Into the bath of spherical toys and dove his hands through the
Surface of color.
He didn’t see the balls. He didn’t have to.
He didn’t know how colorful they were. It didn’t matter to him.
He needed no help, and asked for none.
He scooted along, fishing with his hands.
You don’t fish with your eyes anyway.
You your hands, the way the water moves and how the fish respond to your hook.
The surface broke as the elusive Jared jumped out of the water.
Surprise!

homeo

so i'm back home, it is truthfully incredible
i packed very poorly, i.e. in trash bags and other dumb shit like that
my brother and dad came, jake moved a lot of my shit, that was huge

tuesday night, my last night at JHU freshman, i did one of the most incredible things i've ever done
the diagrams shows that
i am the man at the bottom, underneath the basket with the basketball in my hands
i throw the basketball over my head, bounced it off the track that surrounds our court, and it swished through the basket

i then told everyone to fuck off, punted the ball, and left with my two asian friends
snagglepuss

3 p's

3 p's in my life
pussy
prestige
andpizza

by the fucking way
that pizza sonnet was in iambic pentameter
so yankamydick

wrapping up the rapping (big PUN)

so...
i got a fair amount of tracks that done been recorded since i been at the hopky for a year.
here is the tentative layout for the tracks i've done here
Album Title: Room 115
Mash My Dick Off-DJ JWorm and Luke Sand
Drive Slower-Kyle Maurer, Luke Sand, and MC Worm
Notoriously Jewsee-DJ Wizzly Worm, Kyle Maurer, Shy Guy, Dick Boy, and Luke Sand
Lu and Lo-Luke Sand and Sam Lozoff
A Millionaire-Luke Sand
Youngbull Dick in C Minor-Luke Sand and Shy Guy
Stack It Up-Luke Sand
Dick Boy-Luke Sand, Dick Boy, and Shy Guy
I'm Worm-DJ Worm featuring Luke Sand
Hands Up-J Z and Luke Sand
Black Coffee Remix-Justin Berg and Luke Sand
Prestige and Pussy-LiaCef, Shy Guy, and Luke Sand
Spanish Rap-Luke Sand
Fun Guys!!-Noey, Dick Boy, Luke Sand, and David Earl the Pearl

i got one mo' test tomorrow and after that i'm hoping to get a couple a tracks done to wrap it all up

appletits

so......

so i'm chilling waiting for an enormous pizza order to come to the AMR tennis courts and for me to scoop it up. i got 2 large pepperoni jawns and a large buffchick. me and my friends will unite in feast.

culinary BONER.

watching these nba games makes me want to dunk and shit
and studying for these tests make me want to go home

here is a sonnet i wrote...

Love At First Sight


Intoxicated by your smell
I had to put you to the test.
I fell in love. All I could tell
Was that I found the very best.

I’d never felt like this before
But I could tell that all was right.
You are the one that I adore
I’ll never let you leave my sight.

To taste your taste I could not wait,
So plans to meet had been arranged.
I should have stopped. It was too late
And from the moment all was changed.

That is when it all went south
The pizza really burnt my mouth.


ballin